he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
