I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
