She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
