Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Is Oprah even human
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
