The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
