He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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