I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
