yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
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