did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
