Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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