drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
