Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
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