I wish I could punch you in the face.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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