two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
You smell like stripper and shame
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Randomize
