Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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