she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
