I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
