I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
