She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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