I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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