The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Randomize
