Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
