One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Randomize
