hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
