Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize