I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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