so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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