Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize