It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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