32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I should be sponsored by Trojan
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
