ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
