Can Purell be used as lube?
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
