Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
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