What a fucking waste of an outfit
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
