I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I think my fart just growled at me.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
