and i looked up. we had an audience...
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Houston, we have a squirter
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
