Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
