Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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