Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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