Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
