It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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