I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
