Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I enjoy the company of your penis
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
