Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
