i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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