I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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