do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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