life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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