He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
cat food counts as protein by the way
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
