I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
my being single is dangerous.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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