I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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