Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
