He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
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