dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
