He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize