i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
you never un-have a 4some
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize