she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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