I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
