Can i not drive my cunt home
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
