I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize