it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
