Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
