the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
