he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
