dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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