She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
