WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
