Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
