so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Randomize
