We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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