i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
