i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
