I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
