sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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