Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
