Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
