I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
