I want to stick my p in your. b.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Randomize
