Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
