not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
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