don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
ttyl tear gas
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize