He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
