All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
