I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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