my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
