I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
it's like iHOP with fire
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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