I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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