You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
