Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
