if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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