I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
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