i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
