So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
So squirting runs in the family.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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