toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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