I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
