I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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