Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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