I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
