...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
