now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
