I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Go christen that room with your naked body.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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