She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I just had sex on a roof
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Randomize
