if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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