i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
