there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Let's paint friendship bongs
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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