It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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