Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
