I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
