I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
