I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
