Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize